Internal Clocks

Thursday, 10 March, 2011

There’s something awry with my internal clock. Most women hear the tick tick tick of the baby bomb. Me? Not so much. I’ve been able to klunk it over the head and shut it off for a five year snooze quite often. My internal clock is different. It’s been a little over a year and I’m getting antsy. I don’t know if it’s due to the lifestyle or my mental state, but I feel like we should be moving again.

When we hit the one year mark here in California last October, something in me went, “We’ll be moving to another state or country soon! I just know it.” Maybe now I’ve jinxed myself. I don’t know. For now, I’m enjoying being back in the Bay Area…even with the humidity that makes my hair cuurrrrrl. Ugh. We almost did move after landing so soon again back in California. We thought Texas (Austin!) was on the horizon. It didn’t pan out and I was a bit saddened, to be honest.

In many ways, despite my birth sign of being a home maker and one for putting roots down, I haven’t. I was born and raised in the Bay Area. Moved to San Francisco when I was 18 and stayed there for ten years. Met my then fiance (now husband), moved to Vegas, moved back to the Bay Area, drove to live in Chicago, catapulted to Scotland for a year, back to Arizona for three, then on to India for another year and then…back to the Bay Area – again. I will not even talk about the traveling and moving I did during and after college.

Amy Tan once said falling leaves return home…am I a falling leaf? Am I really returning home? I often wish that and yet I don’t.

My good friends Sonia, Judi and I have had this discussion before…mostly because I don’t have good friends close by. Save for Sonia and Judi and that should go without saying, to be honest. I often wonder if I’ve sacrificed friendships and family because of my wanderlust and my husband’s job. If you don’t know by now, he makes video games and the industry is hugely unpredictable. I’ll write something else on that later.

I sometimes feel that I’ve missed out on all of the main events from my friends from high school – weddings, births, baptisms, etc – because of my moving. Hell, I even lost touch with Sonia and Judi for a while, too. I’m happy we’ve reconnected. We’ve got our own lives. We’ve made our own way in the world. I’m happy to hang with them.

However, in the back of my mind, I have this niggling voice. My feet start to get tired of taking me to the same places…Something is telling me it’s time to move again.

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